Clothing flies as our hero faces his arch nemesis, the evil Josefina Mengele,  in mortal combat over  who will empty the bedpans on the wards tonight...

Things look grim for Jay, but never close the door  on the Champion of  Patients everywhere - 

Josefina Mengele ...  evil, conniving, bitch that she is, quickly attempts to subdue the valiant Nurse Jay with her  dreaded Carolinas Crotch Crush. Will she force our hero to do her bidding?  Will Nurse Jay  spend the evening suctioning mucus?  Can anyone endure such villainy? 

Our only hope is - 

Things look bad for Nurse Jay as Josefina Mengele applies her variation of the Boston Crabs.  Our hero puts on a brave face, but even he, a veteran wrestler, cannot hope to last for long facing such hideous and savage torture.  As his strength wains and his sight dims, he can't help but wonder... is this the end of -

Head Nurse Audrey Hardy questions the need for a ninth highball before they report to surgery to assist in the world's first full Cranial transplant.  Nurse Jay assures her that alcohol only enhances his already razor sharp extincts,  er, instincts, .... hic ... after all, he says, if we're numb, we won't feel it if we accidentally cut ourselves.  Finally Head Nurse Audrey agrees and mixes their next round while Nurse Jay sends out for more ice.  Tune in tomorrow for the ground breaking head transplant on - 

Nurse Jay resuscitates the survivor of the world's first full cranial transplant within 10 minutes of the conclusion of surgery utilizing a special enema of canola oil, stool softeners, bowel relaxers, phenylthaline, lysergic acid, and Slick 50 engine oil additive. Because of Nurse Jay's prompt action, the patient was up and and enthusiastic in minutes in spite of possessing a brand new head and brain !!  Yet another miracle of medicine performed by

Following a second successful full cranial transplant Nurse Jay introduces the two lucky surviving recipients to a third patient who languishes on the waiting list for a compatible head donor. Nurse Jay's unique approach promptly eliminates the need for a third cranial donor as the prospective recipient dies of shock within minutes of the introduction.  Another critical medical need eliminated by the scalpel sharp mind of -

Nurse Jesse Brewer is shocked and disturbed as she notices that the size of Nurse Jay's head has begun to expand at an exponential rate.  Oblivious to this alarming situation, Nurse Jay informs Nurse Jesse that, because he has become an worldwide internet icon, nobody will be able to post an entry in his eclectic "Jay's World" web site guestbook without his prior approval and sternly warns her against using his name in any search engine submissions. Nurse Jesse then suggests that Nurse Jay schedule an immediate session with hospital staff psychiatrist, Dr Robert Urie.

Nurse Jay explains to resident hospital staff psychiatrist Dr. Robert Urie the trappings of being anointed "The Greatest Human of the 20th Century". Dr Urie then suggests that Nurse Jay apply for a position at the Lumberton Institute for the Profoundly Insane, while noting that, all the while, Nurse Jay's head is continuing to expand at an alarming rate.

Taking Dr Urie's professional advice, Nurse Jay puts on his best suit, shaves his beard, and travels to Lumberton to interview for a position at the infamous asylum. To his amazement, upon arrival, he is greeted warmly by former college flame, Nurse Marti, who introduces herself as the head nurse at the institution. The conniving Marti informs Jay that the position is his, on one condition ... that he grow his beard back.  Little does Jay realize that the demented Marti is actually a patient at the asylum and is suffering from a severely obsessive and debilitating Fidel Castro fetish.  

Also in this action packed episode, Nurse Jay teams up with hospital security chief Jon to subdue a drunken and deranged asylum inmate. The lethal combination of Hanig's Hapkido and Jon's Rossi-Te quickly bring a halt to the disgusting antics of the foul and depraved offender, much to the relief of delusional head nurse Marti and an unidentified fellow lunatic. Yet another villain vanquished by the heroic antics of -

In the "Mystery of the Missing Stool Softeners" Sebastion Cabot guest stars as Nurse Jay's identical twin brother. This historic episode highlighted the ongoing national epidemic of addiction to the recreational use of stool softening and bowel relaxing drugs. Hanig and Cabot's close personal friendship initially began in the days of the popular series "Family Affair" when Hanig was Cabot's understudy and stunt double as the beloved Giles French. After Cabot's unfortunate death from terminal flatulence, Hanig took over the role of Mr French in the critically acclaimed sequel, "Family Affair - The Untold Story".

In the grand finale of this spine tingling episode, "Nurse" Marti questions Nurse Jay about the disappearance of over 400 cases of powerful stool softening and bowel relaxing drugs from the dispensary of the constipation ward. Because of his intensive training in deception and counter-interrogation Nurse Jay is able to convince "Nurse" Marti that the entire room full of medication had been a figment of her imagination and all inventory records of the drugs were simply pranks and forgeries. How could she ever hope to crack the stoic mind of -

Finally Nurse Jay is deceived into believing that he is actually an employee at the world-renown Lumberton Institute for the Profoundly Insane. During his stay he is reunited with many of his fellow alumni from Saint Andrews Presbyterian College. Here we see the joyful reunion of Nurse Jay and fellow Saint Andrews alumnus Kenneth "Don Ho" Coultass who utilized his unique Saint Andrews education and experience in becoming the world's first transsexual blacksmith. Taking note, Nurse Jay is struck with a brilliant idea ...

In his own daring GENDER BENDING  disguise, Nurse Jay then escapes to go undercover as a candy striper at the Mayo Clinic to bust a bogus prescription ring specializing in over prescriptions of VIAGRA to nursing homes all over the world.  Will Nurse Jay be discovered?  Will he, or she, get the lowdown on the black market in VIAGRA prescriptions?  Can even these idiots not notice that "she" has a beard thicker than Fidel Castro's?

FIND OUT THIS WINTER IN - 

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